The Nine Lives of Legato and Other Tales
by Shadsie
Summary: A collection of drabbles and ficlets of the humor and horror genres, mostly centering on Legato.
1. Disgust

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun nor any of its characters. They are Copyright Yasuhiro Nightow, Victor Entertainment, Young King Ours, ect.

Notation: This is a series of ficlets and drabbles. (Drabbles being stories of exactly 100 words). Some chapters will be drabbles (100 words), some will be slightly longer "ficlets." All of these stories were written for various online communities, at the request of friends, and usually in response to a topic, theme, or phrase challenge. They range in ratings from G – PG-13, with one R rated drabble. This selected collection is mainly humor/horror. Most of this collection is composed of drabbles and ficlets about Legato Bluesummers – hence the collection title of "The Nine Lives of Legato."

This collection may be added to at whim. No regular updates – only when I happen to have written some short general Trigun horror, horror/humor, or Legato-centric humor.

Reviews are encouraged. Constructive criticism is most welcome. Sock it to me!

"THE NINE LIVES OF LEGATO AND OTHER TALES"

a collection of very short fanfiction

"DISGUST"

(This was a challenge to write a ficlet using the phrase "There was only one sight that could sicken Legato Bluesummers). PG.

* * *

There was only one sight that could sicken Legato Bluesummers, and this was it. He stood still, staring at it, the scent of the town's corpses coming to his nostrils. The beautiful aroma of decay could not sway his disgust. The _thing_ before him distracted him from even the pride he'd had for his accomplishments in service to his Master.

"It must have come out of the bakery when Midvalley destroyed it..." he muttered. "No doubt you would enjoy such an abomination, _Vash the Stampede_. Did you eat at this very bakery before we arrived? Did you chat with the baker, perchance? Did you look forward to coming back here? You do deserve what awaits you."

Legato kicked the object that offended him so. It reminded him of the one he hated most – the creature that had pained his Master so, the creature he wished he could be. That creature's heart was undeserving of his Master's love.

Maybe the telepath took so much offense because he was very particular in his appetites, his "sweet tooth."

The donut rolled in the dust. It was covered in pink frosting and sprinkles.

"Pink frosting..." Legato growled. "Strawberry flavoring belongs inside a tart or pastry, not in frosting atop one. And sprinkles... A good donut does not require such trivialities. Pink frosting and sprinkles on a donut – it is simply wrong."


	2. The Donut Debate

"THE DONUT DEBATE"

A sequel, of sorts, to "Disgust." Yaoi and het if you read it right. You may not get all the symbolism unless you have a fairly perverted mind. PG-13.

* * *

The two men stared at each other from across the picnic table. They were men with such great differences that only one thing could bring them together.

Sweets.

"I can't believe you don't like rainbow sprinkles on donuts!" Vash exclaimed. "They're so... happy."

Legato glared at the man with the yellow sunglasses. "I prefer the cream filled long johns, myself."

Legato took one of the oblong pastries from the plate on the table and slowly sucked upon one end of it before delicately devouring it. Vash chose a strawberry-frosted donut in the traditional round-with-a-hole shape. He crammed it into his mouth and licked his fingers.

"So undignified, Vash the Stampede," Legato scolded. "Donuts should be eaten slowly, enjoyed." With this, the telepath licked his lips.

"I enjoy donuts just fine the way I eat them, thank you very much!" Vash retorted, blissfully unaware of the Freudian symbolism that Legato was well versed in.

Legato took a long cinnamon twist and ate it as slowly and carefully as he had eaten the long-john.

Vash took another strawberry donut.

"You seem to like the round, pink ones," Legato observed.

"Not entirely," Vash replied, taking yet another donut, one with a different flavor of frosting. "I also like chocolate."

"You are a sick, sick man, Vash the Stampede."


	3. Through With You

"Through With You"

Two different takes on a drabble challenge whereby one was required to use the phrase "I'm through with you." Supernatural/Fantasy and Romance. G.

* * *

THROUGH WITH YOU 1 – LEGATO

She curled her long tail around herself as she sat on the boulder.

"What do you mean?" Legato asked in monotone.

"I'm through with you," she said. She uncurled her long legs. She stretched her humanoid body. She was unused to this form. "Dating mortals is tiresome. I am the Misfortune Bringer. You are just a man."

"I am no ordinary man." Legato protested.

"That is true, but I have set my mind."

"Kuro... I beseech thee..."

"Do not call me that anymore."

"Kuroneko..."

"You ATE my dinner. That is unforgivable, Legato. I am through with you."

Then she vanished.

* * *

THROUGH WITH YOU 2 – MERYL

Meryl sat down at the desk of the cabin she shared with Vash and Milly. She opened the letter from Bernardelli.

She crumpled the edges of it in her hands nervously before setting it down. Her face held a strange look.

"What is it?" Vash asked.

"It's a notice from Bernardelli," she said. "The bounty's been recalled – as have Milly and I." She stared at him. "...I'm through with you."

"Are you leaving, then?" Vash implored, a touch of sadness in his eyes.

Meryl wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm through with you. I never said I was leaving."


	4. Sweets

"SWEETS"

A response to a challenge to write a drabble about Legato's eating habits. Light manga reference. G.

* * *

He'd always enjoyed steak, rare, the animal's life dripping onto the plate when he cut it. Good food was one of the few pleasures in the pain of living.

He craved junk food increasingly, and sweet things; hot dogs, cheesecake, pancakes with syrup... donuts. Were these godly cravings? Ambrosia?

He liked to keep his body trim, trained, as well as his mind. His Master demanded no less. Before the gift, his had been a palette more tuned to savory than to sweet.

He looked upon his left hand after licking the icing from his fingers. "Curse you, Vash," he said.


	5. Protien

"PROTIEN"

My response to a drabble challenge to write about Legato being given a hot dog made of worms – like the "Worm with Ketchup" item in Neopets. This turned out considerably darker than the original premise. PG-13.

* * *

Legato noticed the writhing. His expression soured. The vendor eyed him quizzically.

"Cattle and swine don't do well here," the fat man said. "Slaughterhouse closed down near twenty years ago. Earthworms do well in our soil, though. Good source of protein."

Legato glared at the man. "I like meat," he simply said. "This is unacceptable."

"We have nothing else."

Legato looked into the man's fat face. He noticed how much like a pig he looked.

"I want meat."

The works of the slaughterhouse cranked to life.

Legato left the town eating some of the best hot dogs he'd ever tasted.


	6. Soylent Pink

"SOYLENT PINK"

A possible answer to the age-old Trigun question of "Where the heck do the people of a desert planet get salmon for Vash's salmon sandwiches?" A very dark answer, with light manga inspiration. PG-13. A Vash-centric drabble, for a change.

* * *

Vash was grateful for the job – a normal occupation, a change of pace. The restaurant also made the best salmon sandwiches around.

Most took that "salmon" was one of the planet's native birds – that had flesh that tasted reasonably similar to fish.

Vash watched the owner drag a "salmon" out of the refrigerator and lift her cleaver to it.

"Shouldn't you pluck that turkey first?" he asked.

Bertha shook her head. "Not a turkey," she replied.

The wings and legs Vash saw ended in the fingers and toes of a Plant Cherub. After that, Vash stayed sick for many weeks.


	7. The Untouchable God

"THE UNTOUCHABLE GOD"

A take on Legato and Knives' relationship – the way I think it REALLY is. PG-13.

* * *

I stand, watching His form behind the glass. I am alone, except for Him.

He will come out soon.

My subordinates wonder why I come here to gaze upon Him.

There is much talk. They say that I have "desires" for Him. They suspect that we were lovers before the wounds of July forced him to take his rest.

Swine.

They are the lowest humans, only considering their base lusts. Such blasphemy. They are men without faith. They do not understand pure adoration.

I stare up at the Master. Do those who adore the Blessed Virgin wish to deflower her?


	8. The Touch of the God

"THE TOUCH OF THE GOD"

A sequel, of sorts, to "The Untouchable God." Personally, I think the previous drabble is more what Legato and Knives' relationship really is in canon, but this is a different take on Legato's religion, a heavy yaoi drabble written for a friend. Rated R. Yaoi, somewhat graphic. Be warned.

* * *

I lay on my stomach, quivering in expectation. He said that He would take me higher.

I feel fingers trace down my back. I try not to moan. He wants silence. I feel my skin growing fevered, my lower regions growing tight, hard.

I groan when he enters and grinds against me, waves of impossible ecstasy overcoming me. I feel pain. Fingernails dig into my back, separating skin from muscle and muscle from bone. I'm going to die. This is a better death than I could have chosen – to become one with oblivion under a god's touch. I am higher.


	9. Please Stop Licking That

"PLEASE STOP LICKING THAT"

A response to a drabble challenge to use the phrase "Please stop licking that." PG.

* * *

Legato lapped his fingers as he finished the bag of potato chips. A sleek black cat sat beside his chair.

Legato's tongue played at the delicate webbing between the fingers. The grease was gone, but he continued to lick his left hand, digits that were not his own. He wondered if Vash could _feel _it. This felt delicious.

The cat gracefully hiked one hind leg into the air and groomed her neither-regions vigorously. Knives stepped into the room.

"Please stop licking that."

Legato and his feline companion stopped in mid-lap and looked at him.

"I'm talking to both of you."


End file.
